Home in Your Own

Exhale. You have come through a storm. This one whirled you and twirled you. Just a bit, just enough. It unearthed the bonds you buried long ago. Buried to let them rest. Rested to build anew.

Exhale. Finally you face your fear. That you wouldn’t be able to walk away when the good got bad, or just needed space. Because that’s how you used to be trained. You weren’t sure, after all this time, if you had changed.

Exhale. You realize that heavy thoughts make body aches. When you see this though, you know what to do. Your meditation diffuses physical sensation. 

Exhale. You come back to your body.

Exhale. You come back to yourself. Because that’s been your home for years. This muscle is the strongest now, holds harder against the pull of another. Unless you relax it. Someday you will relax it. 

Exhale. You say everything. You have no more tolerance for holding shit in. You realize that while speaking up is tough, holding back is torture. There is no question. You think it is easy to talk because of him. Because he is so patient, so open. But it is you who are brave. You who have changed. You who are so sensitive to poison, who cannot let it stay. You who know that the truth you speak is more important than who you keep.

Exhale. You ask for the truth, because you are confused. And you will never go so far in doubt to pick yourself apart again. 

Exhale. You are putting your wholeness first. 

Exhale. Ruthless with your answers, ruthless with your questions. The truth sets you free. You examine the boundaries you used to create, the lines you once laid. They have changed, decayed. The same hurts don’t hurt as much. You bounce back better, soft and tough. You see that these things are not such a big deal. You can be less scared to dare. After so many cycles, you know you can just move on, or step back. You’ve gotten good at that. You wonder which lines are still needed, and which keep you trapped. You start to lay new ones.

Exhale. You step back from the pieces that still don’t feel right. Lovingly, you retreat. Your gut knows how far to go. And in gut you trust. Some things open, some things shut. You remember yourself after the spin of the storm. The important parts at least. You will not become another person, or make allowances against your needs. You will redefine the boundaries to keep the love pure, for you, and for the other. 

Exhale. You have faced your first storm. You have faced your biggest fear; that once again, after all these years, after all this building and flexing and filling, you wouldn’t seek yourself the most. That you’d fall further into someone else. 

Exhale. You have succeeded. You love yourself the most. 

One thought on “Home in Your Own

  1. shapingstillness says:

    Congratulations Dear You! (You Found What You Always Had … Inside You! .. an Embodied “Knowing Home”) ah, stretching that muscle ..

    much much love! A

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s